I got up early on the day I turned in my master's thesis. I used a lot of makeup, curled my hair, and even made time for setting spray and contouring. My school mate and I grinned as we held our newly bound and printed 100-page documents during our photo shoot. I occasionally glance back at the pictures to examine the scene: I seem at ease, reclining against my university's ivy-covered wall, which I selected because of its status. I'm grinning broadly and displaying my immaculately manicured fingernails, which wonderfully complemented the color of my outfit.

I successfully turned in my thesis that afternoon by placing it in a big basket on the dean's desk. I hugged a few of my students, spoke with one of my teachers, and then made my way back to my flat. Then, unable to even remove my shoes, I collapsed to the ground and sat there for seven hours. I pondered my sense of emptiness as I leaned against my kitchen's white wall. I could barely move, even when my supporting and affectionate dog nudged me with her nose to ask to go for a stroll.

I'm not sure what I put out there that day, but I don't think anyone would have realized that I was suffering from a severe case of depression. I maintained my academic obligations, I seemed to have my life "in order," but in truth, I was barely getting by. I looked put together. I was actually at my lowest place ever.

Knowing About Depression with High Functioning

I fall into a group of individuals who have "high functioning" depression. Despite not being a medical diagnosis, this phrase has gained widespread acceptance to characterize the reality of many: Not everyone experiences depression in the same way, and many "normally" functioning individuals secretly struggle with depressive symptoms.

In essence, this phrase describes anyone who struggles with mental health concerns while managing their daily responsibilities and tasks.  

The discourse surrounding mental health has changed as the percentage of adult U.S. citizens suffering from mental illness has increased to 1 in 5. There is a growing number of individuals talking about their experiences with mental health and disclosing their symptoms and diagnoses, but more work has to be done to make this conversation inclusive. We must keep in mind that every person with mental illness presents differently. Not all cases of depression are as one-dimensional as the one we see in the media, when the sufferer is completely alone, won't get out of bed, and won't engage in day-to-day activities.

I was able to attend classes, keep up with most of my assignments, and finish a sizable thesis project throughout my two years of graduate school. I made regular phone calls to my family and paid my rent.  In addition, I had a deep, all-encompassing grief that made it difficult for me to envision the future and a persistent ache radiating from my chest. I made disturbing internet searches about suicide techniques and writing a will since I was constantly thinking about hurting myself and ending my life. When I wasn't constrained by social norms, I tended to withdraw within myself. I would begin to ruminate slowly, thinking about how alone I felt and how inadequate I thought I was. Each limb ached. Every motion hurt so much. I used to cry till I was completely exhausted, but other times I just lacked the stamina to cry. However, I managed to (finally) get out of bed and finish my daily responsibilities.

It's crucial to remember that high functioning depression does not always feel like this. Not all people in this group are high achievers who conceal deep lows; some may be barely making ends meet or coping with milder depression symptoms. This slang phrase allows for a broad spectrum of experiences, all of which are legitimate and worthy of consideration and care.

How To Assist People Who Experience High-Functioning Depression

The first step in changing the conversation about mental health is to acknowledge that everyone experiences mental illness in a different way. What then ought to we do with this knowledge? Though I can't speak for mental health professionals or offer medical advice, I can consider the things that would have aided me in my own journey.

Make sure to stay in touch with your friends, especially if they appear to be doing well. This advice isn't very new; motivational posters and social media visuals frequently use it. However, it is essential to the health of those who suffer from high functioning depression. There were undoubtedly moments when I appeared "ok," but I was in serious need of additional assistance. Some of the tension in my chest would have been released with a simple text from a buddy.

Never presume to know the backstory of someone. Even while I believe that my behavior was mostly "normal" during my depressive episodes, I am aware of those days when I came across as strange or aloof. Some of my classmates used to roll their eyes and occasionally make snarky remarks. Although passing judgment is a natural human instinct, I urge you to resist the urge and constantly keep in mind that there is always a more nuanced picture. Furthermore, it's highly probable that someone close to you is struggling with mental illness given the startling statistics.

Lean in. You are actively creating a sense of community with those who are experiencing difficulties if you feel comfortable expressing some of your own experience, including your struggles, insecurities, and concerns. When I think back on it, I used to believe that I was the only one who could possibly go through such bad thought patterns and anxieties. If a close acquaintance had disclosed their own struggles, I could have taken solace in the knowledge that I wasn't isolated.

In the end, I was able to find some sort of rehabilitation with the help of medication and therapy. My depressive state has improved; I no longer have severe lows or thoughts of suicide. I've learned coping mechanisms and a network of allies to help me get through difficult times.

Even if my emotional state has altered significantly, I can't help but observe that from the outside, everything still appears to be "fine." However, looks don't tell the whole tale. One can appear depressed like me.